WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has informed the news media that he has just received a very important message from The Galileo Galilei Astrological Observatory located in Saginaw, Michigan.
Secretary Colfax said that he was told that astrological experts at the observatory have located a humongous meteor that is roughly the size of Madison Square Garden on a path which would probably have it landing 4.9 miles west of Tucson, Arizona.
Vinnie Salsaburger, 40, who is employed as an observatory consultant has made the press aware that the meteor will strike the Earth at an estimated speed of 2,914 miles per hour.
He pointed out that if it does land 4.9 miles outside of the Tucson city limits then there will be no problem, but if it should land within the Tucson city limits then it will most certainly cause one hell of a friggin mess.
On the positive side Mr. Salsaburger said that U.S. meteorologists will be able to give the city of Tucson at least a two and a half hour advance notice if the gigantic meteor is going to hit the city so that Tucson officials can have everyone evacuate the town and head south toward the Mexican border.
SIDENOTE: President Obama says that he will be giving the order to have 45 Greyhound buses sent to Tucson in the event that the city is forced to evacuate. He wanted to make it perfectly clear that in emergency times like these he is willing to overlook the fact that Arizona is a red (Republican) state.