Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Internet, Spam, Sewage

Saturday, 4 January 2014

image for Internet pipe repaired
The Internet has come a long way since messenger boys ran the world's first Internet service in ancient Greece

One of the main pipes used to pump the Internet all over Europe was repaired this week, after a crack appeared in it beneath the English Channel. The crack led to a massive leak of data which affected Internet users in Britain and the continent.

Polish Internet plumber Jakob Icantski helped in the operation. He explained, "The Internet is like a bathtub, and when you go online, it's like you're taking a bath. The bath gets slowly filled with spam in liquid form, as well as other internet fluids. But sometimes there is too much Internet and that is why we need an overflow pipe."

Those overflow pipes all lead to a main waste pipe which releases the used Internet slurry into a field in southern France. It was this waste pipe which leaked last week, and even though the Internet data it contained was already used, there was a danger of contamination from all the filth within.

Owner of the Internet, Jedward Internet, said that he was planning to improve the system so that instead of a bath, web users would use it more like a shower. "With a shower, you don't need an overflow pipe," he said. "All you need is a spam filter in your shower head."

However, Internet hacker and John Inman impersonator Julian Assange said that leaks would continue to occur. "The Internet is not like a bath at all, it's far more like a bidet for the face. We must force more leaks to occur or else the Internet will never be rid of all the excess slurry."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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