Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Halloween

Saturday, 28 October 2006

image for Happy Halloween!
You Are Cordially Invited

Halloween and Vine, La La Land, California---Michael Myers is proud to announce that he intends to celebrate Halloween in grand guignol style, big bold, brassy, bossy, bitchy and witchy at the old, haunted mansion way down at the end of Elm Street.

He says he intends to offer plenty of goodies and all the customary accoutrements to mark the occasion of this Holloween as special: carving knives, cheese cutters, meticulously sharp cleavers, fish hooks, meat hooks, ricers, dicers, splicers and nicer, all designed to make the festivities go down smoother and quicker.

The food is going to be especially well prepared in the spruced up kitchen dungeon down stairs and is going to include raw meat, fresh kill, minced spiders, bat droppings, spider eggs and the like and brews that he promises will make your head spin in gleeful delight.

He is also offering to open the old manse up to all comers and even plans to string eletronic flash bulbs and shiny neon lights from "one end of town to the end of the world," his exact words, no less, with sparklers, fireworks, cherry bombs, pipe bombs and other highly flammable explosives available for extra, blood curdling, shocking special effects. He has also stocked up on all sorts of festive, holiday decorations such as coffins, sharp, pointed stakes, poisoned spiders, black cats, bloody knives, witches brews, lots of party favors and that sort of evil ilk.

Best of all, he is promising extra special guests will be making special, personal appearances including, but not limited to Mama Myers, Jig Saw, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Norman Bates, Leatherface, Wolf Man, Bat Man, Fat Man, Da Man, Meat Loaf, Frankenstein, the Mummy and his entourage and Mike's list ends with victims of homicidal fatwas.

"Come. Enjoy. Did you say what big teeth I have? True. The better to eat with."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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