Written by Keith Shirey
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Sunday, 29 December 2013

image for SpaceX, Orbital Sciences Cargo Ships To Put Hog Waste On Moon

Steve Fox and Jeffery Cane both grew up in Arkansas. As boys they often visited the pristine ecosystem of the Buffalo - designated America's first "national river" and overseen by the National Park Service. Today, Cain owns SpaceX and Fox Virginia's Orbital Sciences. These are private spaceflight companies and each has giant cargo ships that fly to the international Space Station.

These men have formed a consortium whose purpose, as Mr. Fox put it, is to "Save Mount Judea." From what? The answer is pig manure.

The Buffalo area, known as Mount Judea today, has a hog farm housing 2,500 sows producing thousands of piglets. The farm, C&H Hog Farms - which produces piglets for the giant Cargill -produces 1.5 million gallons of pig manure a year.

How the EPA, local and state officials allowed such a monstrous pig farm to be located next to the river and its feeding streams is something of a mystery.

Incredibly, both the Arkansas superintendent of the river and the director of the state agency that permitted the operation claimed to know nothing about it! And, of course, anti-environmentalists in its "fox in the henhouse" operation dominate the Environmental Protection Agency.

So, to stop the fecal pig material from further contaminating the waters, seep into the ground and settle throughout the watershed Mr. Fox and Mr. Cane are stepping in. With the approval of NASA, the EPA and other agencies they will build space platforms to house their gigantic space cargo ships which will be loaded with hog manure.

"We're gunna spread that s*** all over the goal-darned moon," said Fox.

"It ain't nothin' but a piece of rock anyways."

Meanwhile, the Buffalo - one of the largest tourist areas in the U.S. -continues to be severely polluted.

Bill Ricketts, 55, probably summed up the situation as well as anyone. "I've been here all of my life. Usually the hog stink don't bother us, we're just hillbillies. But now we're drowning in pig waste and me, and my wife Robin Nell, just can't abide the stink. Them rocket ships had best be here real soon."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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