Written by Jeff Brone
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Saturday, 28 December 2013

Toppi Vilalgo of Cedar Junction, Nebraska recently made a mock apple pie using imitation Ritz crackers she made from various foods she found around her kitchen.

Ms. Vilalgo stated "First off, I can afford a few apples, but when I read about making a mock apple pie with Ritz crackers, I was all up into that. I thought, WTF, count me into that crap, for sure."

The self styled chef then added that she thought about making imitation Ritz crackers, on account of her husband "loves them. He's like totally hot for those things. I hope all he does is eat them, if you get my meaning."

She searched her kitchen for items that could approximate the buttery crackers and came up with her own recipe which included butter, bread crumbs, other crackers, and a few other things she preferred not to mention. She added, "I may get rich off of this. I can't give my secret away. "

Ms. Vilalgo entered the pie into a local bake off and came away with first place. The pie became somewhat of a sensation in her home town and even was sold for a few days at a local market until someone got sick, not from the pie probably though.

Ms. Vilalgo said that while the pie was an interesting exercise, she has moved on to other creations. She said "I think the pie was OK, but compared to real apple pie it tasted sort of like crap. I mean, c'mon, they're just apples. Make a real pie. WTF."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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