Written by Smart Blonde Bimbo
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Sunday, 22 December 2013

image for New Species of Homo Detected: Sapiens May No Longer Top the Food Chain
Neanderthal Child

Scientists in the High Plains of America have discovered that the human family tree has many more branches and tangles than previously thought. DNA analysis from a group of humans heavier than Robustus, stouter than Australopithecus,-- and with more gustatory zest than Homo Sapiens-- may have indeed found their way into modern populations of humans. And they appear to be concentrated in the states of Florida, Kansas, and Ohio.

The DNA explains the differences between Sapiens and this newly discovered concentration of what we shall now call proto-humans.

These proto-humans are found anywhere a debt collection firm is hiring, and have also found their niche in the corner offices of law firms. They don't require much supervision--only a steady supply of Subway sandwiches, coffee, and anything sugary that is not nailed down. They are overwhelmingly female, and will eat their own young if the law allowed it. And they are very fertile, with over double the birthrate of the rest of the nation.

They have no need to procure their own food, as it is usually brought to them by delivery. They spend their days with a stamp and a pen, signing their names over and over again to documents they are incapable of reading. Such a discovery will no doubt lead us to question how much of a future the rest of us actually have left.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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