Written by IainB
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Sunday, 22 December 2013

image for Source of the Obesity Epidemic found
Just one slice for me, please

After years of investigation, Scientists at Dyson's Research and Development labs in Sussex have isolated the single greatest cause of obesity in the western world.

"It's the toaster," said Geoff Fry, head of the Single Slice Toaster Development Team, or SSTDT. "The toaster is making people fat."

According to the research since the invention of the two slice toaster in 1978, America has been getting fatter, with other western countries quickly catching up.

"America buys more toasters and makes more toast," said Fry. "They'll even make waffles in them, and the problems are all the same."

Apparently, because toasters ("And waffle irons," said Fry) heat up two slots, people believe it would be a waste of electricity to just make one slice of toast ("or waffle!" said Fry).

"Who can resist a hot slice of buttered toast?" asked Fry. "Except for the lactose intolerant. And when that's doubled, which makes sense given the fact that there is another slot there, just heating up for no good reason, unless it has bread in it."

Fry has postulated with conclusive mathematical proofs that two slices of hot buttered toast ("Or waffle..." said Fry) is twice the calories of a single slice of hot buttered toast...or waffle ("Thank you," said Fry). Twice the calories is twice the weight gain. Also, twice the toast, is twice the cost, thus pushing up the cost of living. Anything that could solve this conundrum would be a boon to the world's waistline and economy.

"Fortunately," said Fry. "We at Dyson's toaster research facility have come up with the perfect solution."

Going on sale in the next couple of months is the Dyson Single Slice Toaster.

"This also does waffles," said Fry. "It looks like a standard four slice toaster. And indeed it can toast four slices, but instead of two elements heating up, it only heats up those slots with toast in."

This will halve electricity bills and reduce waistlines across the gluttonous western world.

For those that cannot afford a Dyson Single Slice Toaster, give the other piece of toast to a friend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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