Scientists have discovered a horrifying "Biggs - Hosun" particle nicknamed the Devil Particle among the collision debris at the Large Hadron collider underneath Geneva.
A scientist excitedly told our reporter, "I was looking inside the collision chamber after an experiment, when I heard a voice coming from one of the particles. It was making lewd suggestions to me and growling and spitting.
It said it was on exceptionally good terms with my mother, which was what gave the game away. The particle had only been created two minutes ago and my mother lives in Australia. It was obviously the devious Devil particle which tells lies and corrupts souls.
I have noticed particles shouting at me before, but only God particles saying things about commandments and singing hymns, and usually if I forget to take my pills."