Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 22 October 2013

image for Mice Furious about Forced Participation in Hair Growth Study
"I'm happy when I'm hairless," he reports.

When Gail Farrelly, Science & Technology reporter at The Spoof.com, read a Bloomberg.com article, "Mouse Study May Target Hair Growth Method for Baldness," she knew she had found the subjects for her next in-depth profile.

The first sentence of the article startled her: "Transplanting human hair onto the backs of mice may lead to a breakthrough for baldness treatments, scientists said." Farrelly bought a selection of cheeses and headed off to interview the mice that were participating in this research. Yep, she's fluent in mice talk.

As you might expect, Farrelly found that the "hairy-back" mice were not happy campers. Bribed by a little cheese, they were more than happy to spill the beans. One mouse expressed the consensus of the group when he indignantly pointed out, "So we're supposed to go around with hairy backs just to provide a service to humans? It's an outrage."

Nodding agreement as he chewed on a hunk of Farrelly-supplied cheddar cheese, another mouse complained, "I participate in weightlifting competitions and so keep my whole body totally devoid of all hair, and now this! A pox on the house of researchers."

A tiny female mouse shyly reminded the group what Shakespeare once said: "There's many a man has more hair than wit." That was met with laughter and applause from the research subjects.

An older mouse, a history buff, quoted Roman statesman and philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca: "I don't consider myself bald, I'm just taller than my hair."

Ah, that ancient wisdom, ya just can't beat it, Farrelly was thinking, as she concluded the interview and headed for home.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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