Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Zoo, Dallas, Gorilla, Therapy

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

image for Irate Gorilla Evicted from Dallas Zoo: First Interview
"Don't ask, don't tell"

In case you keep in touch with the 23-year-old gorilla, Patrick, formerly of the Dallas Zoo, be advised that you should record a change of address. He's moving to South Carolina.

Gail Farrelly, a Science & Technology reporter at TheSpoof.com, scored an interview with Patrick and got his view of the move.

Patrick said he went ape when he saw the headline of an article on NBCNews.com: "Male Dallas Zoo Gorilla to get therapy for sexist attitude" and realized that HE was the subject of the article. He was shocked to learn that, according to the article, he would be "sent to South Carolina for therapy after he bit one female gorilla and sneered at others...."

Munching on a bunch of bananas, Patrick declared the whole thing to be monkey business. He claimed that he was "just having some fun" with the female gorillas, and then they went and claimed sexual harassment. "There's nothing worse than a tattletale," he said, continuing, "much ado about nothing, I assure you."

"Actually I'd just like to be left to hang out either by myself or with the guys," Patrick reported, continuing, "what's wrong with that?"

Before ending the interview, Farrelly indicated that there are lots of rumors that Patrick may be gay. She pointed out that folks are wondering: If so, will he be coming out soon? Patrick remained mum on the topic, except to advise, "Don't ask, don't tell."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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