Written by plinth course
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Topics: NASA, Mars

Sunday, 15 October 2006

image for Rover Opportunity Takes Opportunity, Flips Off Orbiter
The "bird" is clearly visible (100 X magnification required)

Mars - NASA has published pictures from the Orbiter as it spotted the Rover on a Martian crater.

M'kay. But the headlines screamed: "Orbiter Looks Down on Rover." NASA didn't catch the humor. Word play is not their forte ("It IS looking down from on high. What's so funny?" They don't get out much.) But the punch line was REALLY delivered by the "shout out" from the Rover.

NASA officials are livid that, quite by accident, an alert project manager noticed an odd configuration on the Rover, "something weird about it." That's how the discoverer, Hoodie Jones (his real name), put it.

"I was just looking over the pics from the Orbiter. Of course, I was aware of the insulting headlines, the ‘looking down on' remark-there were others, some much worse-and, of course, I know that the Rover is an intelligent ‘machine' and then I saw it. Yes, without a doubt. The Rover is giving the finger to the Orbiter!"

Jones relates that he became "really excited" (Not THAT excited. Keep your mind ON the subject.), but not really believing his eyes, consulted the other team members. Said Jones, "Yes. They saw it, too."

Jones pulled out the photo in question. One can CLEARLY see an appendage or SOMEthing projecting from the Rover. There is definitely something there. "The more I looked at it, the better I could see it," says Jones. "It's there! We all saw it!"

Suddenly, Jones crumpled into a snickering mass on the floor, which prompted the rest of his team to make fart noises and toss spitballs. NASA security then rushed in like gangbusters to break up the imbroglio, one machinegun-toting guard screaming, "Cut it out, people!" repeatedly as the rest of the security team confiscated their spitball paper and slingshots.

An unnamed team member (asking for confidentiality) held himself above the fray, saying, "I won't join in their petty games. NASA is a professional organization with professional rocketeers. Those pencil dicks can just bite me!"

He strongly denied the existence of Rover bird flipping, preferring to see it as an "artifart. I mean, artiFACT."

On hearing this, the other team members, now in the security "zone," dissolved into thigh-slapping hysteria, whereupon they were hustled out the back door to a waiting black SUV. Destination: unknown.

This reporter used a high-power magnifier to scrutinize the photo, applying professional standards of professional excellence well-known in the world of professional press persons.

Conclusion: Clear as day. Rover flipped the bird in secret revenge against the haughty Orbiter that rudely bragged about looking down on it; bragged and brayed and implied its superiority, causing the Rover, no doubt, to shout "bitch" as the Orbiter did its whoop-de-do flyover, shouted "fuck you" as that snooty Orbiter invaded its privacy, ignoring common rules of decency in the modern world of space technology. Rover knew it had the last laugh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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