New York - UN Climate Change scientists have published the names of 95% of the world's worst polluters behind warming of the planet.
And top of the hot air list are Z-Lister celebs whose contribution to the carbon monoxide - er, peroxide? Dioxide! - debate swells each time they open their silly gobs.
"Mostly it's professional attention seekers," a UN spokesperson said, "like chat show hosts, politicians and environment sluts with personal methane production outputs of 666?g/m3." [WTF dat? - 'Ed']
Of course this isn't the first time the green chattering classes have been in the frame for toxic emissions and its impact on 'those darling polar bear habitats on fast-melting glaciers' to quote top global eco-bullshitter Prince Charles.
However the UN's 5% non-polluters list is groundbreaking stuff in identifying the estimated 1.4billion carbon-neutrals proven to have absolutely nothing to do with the planet's rancid atmosphere.
Just who these saintly eco-figures are remains a mystery, solvable only by ordering the UN's official published directory called The Green Five Per Cent.
The 3,000-page tome is printed on quality art paper made from 100% Ecuadorian Forest Oak, an endangered and non-recyclable species that grows only in the Yasuni National Park, and is priced ten grand a pop.
Order your copy HERE for same day service.