Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Topics: Religion, Bible, Snakes

Thursday, 29 August 2013

image for Survey: Young Snakes In Bible Belt State Less Religious Than Parents

A recent reptile survey by University of Lower Arkansas scientists reveals that juvenile snakes are less likely to attend church than their parents. University faculty conducted the survey over a 6 month period, at a cost of $2M to taxpayers.

Many older snake parents are active in Bible Belt churches as minister's assistants, worship leaders, and disturbing visual aids. Scientists involved in the survey indicated that some younger snakes were concerned about being molested or simply being looked upon as evil.

In what is seen as a permanent shift in the snake population, only 15% of snakes under 2 years old identified themselves as Primitive or Fundamentalist Christians. A 60% majority of snakes claimed to have no religious affiliation, while the remaining 25% described themselves as "spiritual but not religious". Many snake respondents cited a greater worldview, rigid roles for snakes in the church, and access to the internet as reasons for their movement away from religion in general.

Today's snakes are apparently interested in more modern pursuits that are still rooted in evil. Financial services, automobile sales, and reverse mortgage sales were the most commonly mentioned "snake-like" career goals.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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