Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 20 August 2013

image for Trousers top the list of most useful clothing item
Trousers, better than bras

Many thought the bra would have been the most useful invention invented by the inventive. However, it has been pipped to the top of the clothing pops by trousers. Researchers for Hi! magazine who conducted the survey think that this was because most of the respondents were men reading their wives' magazines.

"Trousers are pretty impressive," said head researcher, Anne Winters. "We discovered that they were invented about fifteen hundred years ago, in Mongolia."

According to the Official History of Trews by Jean Denim, considered by many to be the bible of all things trouser related, for millions of years, people wore no clothes. When it got a bit colder, clothes were invented, but generally consisted of smocks and sacks with an additional hole in. These were pretty successful for millennia at keeping people warm.

"There were fashions in smocks," said Denim, in an interview with Hi! magazine. "Their length would lengthen and shorten over the centuries."

With the invention of horse riding, there was one of two ways clothing could go.

"There was the opportunity about seven thousand years ago," said Denim, "to invent the trousers with the advent of horse riding. However, instead, the split smock was invented, and later, the mini-smock."

It took the Huns to invent the trousers, taking the split smock and wrapping it around the legs of the horse rider. At first, these were fastened using bindings, but later, as bindings got smaller (as technology always seems to) they became sewn.

"And so we're left with the trousers," said Denim. "And mankind has never looked back. I'm quite pleased that trousers came out top in this poll, as I believe that they are the most important clothing invention. My new book, Where's Me Trews? is out soon."

Anne Winters does like trousers, but is also glad the bra was invented.

"It holds me in," she said. "Otherwise I'd need a tight belt to stop me tripping up. Also, my husband isn't particular fond of trousers, as he still prefers smocks."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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