When the bear visited the bar in question (see "Bear Walks Into A Bar: 300-Pound Colorado Black Bear Eludes Patrons" in the International Business Times), he didn't receive much of a welcome. In fact, there was no welcome at all!
In an exclusive interview with Spoof Science & Technology reporter Gail Farrelly (she speaks bear talk, but just barely), the bear in question revealed that there was no greeting, no service, no nothing. "It's an outrage," he whined.
Apparently the pub owner didn't even know the bear had been there until he saw him on the security video the next day. "We've come a long way," griped the bear, "since the days when pub owners went out of their way to make ALL guests welcome. Now they couldn't care less. Go figure."
The bear confided that he wouldn't be recommending the pub to his good friend, Smokey the Bear. Much warmer and friendlier than he used to be, Smokey is now interested, not only in preventing forest fires, but also in hobnobbing with humans. "He likes to give big bear hugs," the Colorado bear said, "but I don't know that they'd be welcome in this particular pub. I recommend that he look elsewhere."
Farrelly reports that her interview came to a sudden close when the bear checked his watch and said, "Gotta get back to my cave and sell off some of my investments." Pause for a sigh. "I think a bear market is on the way."
Remember, you heard it first here!