Written by Lyndon
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Thursday, 25 July 2013

image for Dolphins call each other dirty names
"You fucking two-bit whore," whispers Jelly, a two-year-old dolphin, into Vincent's ear.

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a report today that supports the long-suspected assumption that dolphins were really mean deep down inside.

"Calling each other names is just the beginning," said Jan Vincent, instructor of marine science. "They are also known to be a bunch of back-biting, instigating poor excuses for friends."

Evidently, dolphins use unique whistles to get their point across. High-pitched whistles, only audible to dogs, usually mean things like, "Bitch!", "Whore!", and "Asshole!"

Low-pitched whistles tend to be associated with good-natured name-calling. Such sentiments as "Dick!", "Arsehole!", "Hussy!", and "Shit-for-brains!" fall into this category.

Researchers in the study had to be tough-skinned, according to Vincent.

"The dolphins pretty much called the researchers every dirty name in the book."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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