Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Gay, mountain

Sunday, 30 June 2013

image for Mincing mountaineer makes mountains more manageable
The famous mountaineer Rupert Mountcock

Rupert Mountcock is one of the most famous mountaineers in the world. He has climbed the highest points on every continent, from Mont Blanc to Mount Fudgemore. He is also a gay.

Mountcock says that his flamboyance helps him to climb. He says, "I was 22 when I discovered that the best way to cross deep snow is not to walk or run, but to mince." Since then, he has minced his way to the top of countless snowy peaks.

His unique technique is catching on throughout the mountaineering community, who have realised the benefits of mincing. Top climber Francoise LeCoq agrees, "I love mincing my way up a hill. With my limp wrists and awkward gait I am easily able to negotiate most glaciers."

It has even been suggested that if Captain Scott, of the ill-fated British South Pole expedition in 1912, had minced his way back then he may have survived. His bitter rival, the Norwegian Roald Amundsen, was a notorious mincer, who walked "as if he had a buttplug permanently inserted, which he probably did," said biographer Sven Bollocksson.

Mountcock is now attempting to climb the very difficult north face of K2, the second highest mountain in the world. He is planning to mince over the lower glacier, before attempting a super-gay strut over the northern ridge, leading to the summit which he will traverse with a girly saunter. He is expected to reach the summit in record time, and is hoping to enter the Guinness Book of Records as the first gayer to reach the top.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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