Written by IainB
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Monday, 3 June 2013

image for Opponents of Fracking say the country might sink if it's allowed
A-FUK believe this is how Britain will look if Fracking takes place

Opponents to the controversial gas extraction technique, Fracking, have brought forward a remarkable conclusion to their biggest study to date.

"If we extract the gas from the shale in the UK the country will sink," said Pierce Green, spokesperson for Against Fracking in the UK, a lobby group.

The sensational revelation that the gas in the shale rocks that make up approximately seventy five percent of the UK's rocks is what keeps the island afloat has very little scientific evidence, but sounds good.

"We've been using things that sound good in all our arguments," said Green. "We don't actually do any science or studies the way the Fracking companies have to. But then we're not pumping hot chemical laden water into the ground under high pressure."

Fracking works like opening a lemonade bottle, where the gas erupts out of the liquid; only without lemonade, a bottle or a lid to open. Opponents to Fracking have claimed that Fracking contaminates groundwater, forcing millions of pounds worth of research that found it didn't. They have also claimed that Fracking causes earthquakes, and have blamed fracking for every major earthquake across the globe in the past forty years. After more millions of pounds of research, it has been discovered that it can cause earth tremors and so will only be done in areas where this isn't important. Like Blackpool.

Now comes the claim that the gas is making the UK buoyant.

"If we replace the gas in the rock with water," said Green, "the UK will sink. Can we risk it?"

Cuadrilla spokesman, Clayton Hill, just buried his head in his hands and groaned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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