Written by IainB
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Sunday, 2 June 2013

image for Apple announce new Spect-Apples
The frames for Spect-Apples are currently chunky

With Google bringing out Google Glasses, Apple have announced their own version of the intrusive wearable computer with Spect-Apples.

"Spect-Apples are going to be massive," said product designer Ariane Cox. "They hook straight into the iStore, and give wearers unprecedented access to a huge array of apps specifically designed for Spect-Apples."

Apps such as iMacro, which magnify distant objects, and iMicro that magnify nearby objects are already being looked at by the United States military. Also set to be popular is What Am I Looking At, an app that overlays anything, and puts a label on it. iTranslate will turn any incomprehensible menu into the language of choice, whilst iContact allows people to stay in touch, similar to Facetime, but through the glasses.

"Our Applelet designers are beavering away," said Cox, "and by the time the product launches we expect there to be hundreds of Applelets for Spect-Apples that will make them indispensable."

Google have patented Google Glasses, and are looking to see if Spect-Apples infringe any of the patent. However, since the last round of Patent wars between the two software giants, Apple have got better lawyers and expect to be able to fight off any infringement suits brought by Google.

Google Glasses spokesman, Ivor De Tale, doesn't think that the Spect-Apples will harm sales of Google Glasses.

"Google Glasses are stylish," said De Tale. "Spect-Apples look like something from the 1970s puppet show, Joe 90. Additionally, we're already in production of Google Glasses and given Apple's previous track record in getting products to market, we should have a five year head start. We'll probably be on Google Glasses Version six point five by the time their Spect-Apples One will be on sale."

Cox admits that they are some way off getting the glasses to market. "We're trying to figure out how to make the battery smaller," she said. "Currently you have to wear a hat to hold all of the bits and pieces. We don't know how Google did it. But we'll get there. And because it has the Apple logo on it, people will buy it, and those chunky frames will come back in fashion. We've got the marketing budget to make that happen."

Privacy lobbyists, who have been petitioning to stop the sales of Google Glasses have now thrown in the towel.

"Nobody gives a toss about privacy when Apple get involved," said one.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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