Written by IainB
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Thursday, 30 May 2013

image for Evidence of stone age cross dressing found in a French cave
An artists impression of stone age false breasts

Archaeologists have uncovered what they believe to be the earliest example of cross dressing in a cave in Southern France. It is a find that they have dated back to thirty-five thousand years BC, smashing the four thousand BC record previously held by a strap on penis found in Egypt.

"Clothing, obviously rots away," said Pech Merle, the French archaeologist in charge of the dig. "So we cannot identify for certain how these cross dressers dressed back then, but we think that this find also puts back the invention of the bra several millennia."

The find that has archaeologists wetting themselves with excitement is a pair of stone breasts.

"They are perfectly formed breasts," said Merle. "Very carefully carved out of pumice stone."

Archaeologists believe that pumice stone was used because it is a relatively light stone, that wouldn't weigh too heavily on the chest.

"If they were going for some kind of religious significance," said Merle, "they would have chosen some more hard-wearing stone, like granite, something that would be worn down by countless years of fondling into a smooth sheen. Countless hands running over the cold, hard stone, feeling the beautiful shape. Where was I?"

The pumice stone breasts have even had nipples chiselled in, and there is evidence of paint on them, which chemical analysis has suggested that they were painted a peachy pink.

"This tells us that the cross dressers in France at the time were Caucasian," said Merle.

The stone breasts are not connected, meaning that they could have been worn in a bra. However, it also meant that archaeologists found just one false boob first, and spent fifteen years trying to work out what it was.

"Then came the Eureka moment," said Merle. "We found the other one, and suddenly it all made sense."

More remarkably, there is evidence that the stone tits were hidden in the cave, with one at the back, and the other in a crevice to the side of the cave.

"We think this is the first example of being in the closet, also," said Merle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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