Written by Teddy Silver
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

image for YouTube users cannot spell for shit, report finds
Lizards have higher IQ than YouTube users.

YouTube users are unable to string even the simplest of sentences together, it has emerged.

A new study by everyone who has ever used the internet has found that 96% of people who post comments on YouTube are unable to spell their own name, tell the difference between a toilet and a wardrobe or make a ham sandwich without setting themselves on fire.

According to figures not a single comment ever posted on the video-sharing website has come close to making grammatical sense or conveyed even the slightest impression of a rational, well balanced point of view on its related topic.

"What people don't realise is that YouTube is actually part of a scheme promoting poor literacy skills, video footage of pets playing instruments and a bourgeois-fascist agenda designed to distract generations of young, uneducated people from acknowledging that they are being exploited," said modern language professor at Harvard University, Joseph Denham.

"The collaborative scheme between a number of social media sites including Facebook and Twitter encourages made-up words, indecipherable slang and the expression of bitter hatred via the medium of emoticons and hash-tags".

"To put it in context YouTube is basically the website version of North Korea except they genuinely do have access to professional hairdressers and nuclear weapons."

"The fact of the matter is that young people don't really give a fuck about reading or spelling," said Mexican-American YouTube spokesperson, Chico McNuggets. "In the modern world anything important can be understood by watching a video of someone eating a bar of soap, so frankly there is no need to shackle people with the archaic concept of liberation through literacy and all that bollocks #let'sjustdojager-bombs."

"At YouTube we think people should be able to express themselves however they see fit, like we do here in America, with outdated concepts of religion, varying degrees of obesity and sporadic, unpreventable gun massacres."

"I'm 19yers old an 11000% not gay or bi-sexul but defo still can sey love Kanyay West," added an absolute moron.

Make Teddy Silver's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

2 8 24 25

Go to top