Howard J. (Slicer) Parsons, PGA Member and Chief Adviser to president Obama on "Outer Space," an office recently created for golf instructors and those sighting UFO's in the Washington area, submitted a rather lengthy report today to the president, calling for a stop to "Solar Flares."
Parsons stated in the report, "I don't know who is shooting them off, but its got to stop. There was another one on Monday evening, and my brother, who is my technical assistant, indicated it was the third major solar flare in 24 hours. With all the dry weather these things could land in a dry area, like out in California, and start another one of those big fires they have out there, gotta stop."
Upon reading the lengthy detailed report, Obama immediately called a press conference and called upon FEMA, Homeland Security, the CIA and the FBI and law enforcement officials across the land to be on the lookout for the person who is sending up these Solar Flares.
"Howie is right on on this one, not a good time to be shooting off those solar flares, why couldn't they wait, at least till the 4th of July," Obama declared. "First, we have to find out who is selling them, and get them off the market, then we gotta get the guns and the solar flares," he stated, that's just all there is to it."
Obama suggested that they recall the laid off "cattle guards" and put them to work putting a stop to "Solar Flares."