Written by Gail Farrelly
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Friday, 3 May 2013

image for Porpoise Switches His Tracking Device to Randy Researcher
"Stay out of my backyard," says Noodle.

After caring for an ailing porpoise for six months, researchers in Long Island recently released Noodle (yep, that's his name) back to the ocean, but not before they tagged him with a tracking device so that they can follow him and report his whereabouts on their website.

Although Noodle was grateful for the good care he was given, he's furious that his handlers believed that they had the right to conduct this unwarranted stalking. He confided to friends, "By law, humans are not allowed to stalk each other. Why should they think it's okay to stalk sea creatures?" Noodle took matters into his own fins, removing the stalking device from his own body and secretly transferring it to that of Randy Researcher, an aptly named employee of the research institute.

Cheering on Noodle was Minnie the Mermaid, who has long spoken out against the tyranny of marine researchers. Interviewed in her bungalow at the bottom of the sea, she said, "Hooray for Noodle the Porpoise for using his noodle. Now a marine researcher will get a dose of his own medicine, and I couldn't be happier." Channeling the one-and-only Mrs. Slocombe of Are you being Served, Minnie added, "And I am unanimous in that."

As this story goes to press, Randy Researcher, not realizing that he's been "tagged," continues his wild lifestyle. His delighted wife and her divorce attorney sit at their computers, busily recording Randy's antics as evidence for future legal proceedings.

Meanwhile Noodle the Porpoise has been conferring with entertainment lawyers about selling book and movie rights to his story.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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