Written by plinth course
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Topics: Space, NASA

Monday, 18 September 2006

image for ISS Buzz Ruined?
NASA: "It's a natural high"

Outta Sight! - The Space Station crew scrambled to find the source of an odd (though not unfamiliar, apparently) odor that, according to most, was "WAY like Mary Jane." NASA spokesperson Jamerson Johns then scrambled to quash rumors.

"I HAVE heard the jokes. I read the blogs. There was NOT pot smoking going on in ‘outta space,' as MyMind called it," said Johns. "The crew is comprised of professional rocket jockeys … I mean, space cadets … I mean, astronauts - please don't print that! - and in any case we screen everyone, to say nothing of the scrutiny given the craft."

Johns seemed shaken, but went on nevertheless: "Look, why would a crew, cameras everywhere, the world watching and reputations on the line, engage in behavior that is illegal in many places on earth? These people get high on life and are high up, relative to us earthlings, so why would they need any ‘boost' from drugs?"

Why, indeed. Johns further explained that the odor was "pot-like" but no actual curlies were seen. He slapped down any alternative suggestions for the crew reporting an odor:

Flashbacks
Collective unconsciousness
Olfactory hallucinations
Altered states
Jonesing

"Ridiculous," said Johns, "on the face of it. Even if you think there was actual pot available, how could the crew think they could avoid a high risk of explosion - there's oxygen, you know? Why wouldn't they just eat it? What about the cameras? The sensors?"

Johns dismissed as "bizarre" the explanations this reporter gave. But a possible scenario emerges:

The crew planned to toke as a group. No one would be allowed NOT to partake to avoid anyone "narking." They chose a secluded area of the station, the equivalent of "back behind the barn," and closed the door tightly, placing a wet towel across the threshold. A zip lock bag was passed around after each toker inhaled to collect any residual exhalant - CAREFUL, dude, don't waste it! Light the incense. OMIGOD!

That's right. It was the incense, the toker's friend, which triggered the sensors. No one in the crew narked, loyalty RULED!

Johns vigorously denied this possibility: "You're really in LaLa Land now. You think professional space personnel would actually burn something even MORE detectable than smoke? Last time I burned incense the place had to be practically evacuated, and …"

From now on they'll use spray deodorant to confuse the sensors and when they begin to alarm, reply to Houston: "What smell, man."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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