Written by Lou Chase
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Wednesday, 24 April 2013

An inside source has revealed that Stephen Hawking, the world renowned theoretical physicist who is confined to a wheelchair, has been "walking for several years now" and claims that the world is just too close-minded to observe it.

The source revealed that shortly after Professor Hawking developed his theory on 'Imaginary Time', time that runs perpendicular to the time we experience, he has been able to traverse these two time dimensions with ease.

The source also reports that when the ultra-brilliant physicist visits imaginary time he becomes "quite different than the man we've come to know and worship-he's actually a very simple man!" They go on to say that "since imaginary time is filled mostly with antimatter Stephen's brain becomes mostly empty space when he visits there. He really treasures his stress free time away from real time and spends most of it just picking flowers, staring at nothing in particular or even writing country music! In fact he is just finishing up a song he's really proud of!" The source goes on to say that "the song is about a man who finds it geometrically impossible to stay true to his love who lives in real time, it's called 'I Can't Walk the Line Here in Perpendicular Time'".

When confronted with these allegations earlier today Professor Hawking's response was "you ought not talk that way, uumm uummm."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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