Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Government, water

Monday, 11 September 2006

image for Baby Boomer Mom Does Water Ballet in Sinkhole

While the U. S. government was recently releasing statistics indicating that illicit drug use was on the rise among baby boomers 50 to 59 and on the decline among young teenagers, Barbara Boomer and her daughter were providing living proof of those same statistics.

Fifteen-year-old Tara was working on a school assignment when she happened to glance out her bedroom window and was startled to see her 50-year-old mom, in full Esther Williams gear, cavorting about in a sinkhole on the front lawn. Tara picked up her cell and called her best friend, Amanda.

"Hey, she's at again," was her greeting to Amanda.

"Uh oh, the marijuana binge continues. She's hitting the pot again, huh? What's she up to this time?"

"You know that sinkhole outside that formed a few days ago when they were drilling in the street?"

"Right, the hole that filled up with water from all that rain yesterday." Amanda stopped to allow herself a little giggle, and then said, "What's she doing, fishing in it or launching a boat or something?"

"Worse, conducting her own private water ballet."

This time Amanda went hysterical laughing. When she got control of herself she said, "Your mom is so cool."

"You're not supposed to be cool at 50," Tara said primly. "And it's gotten a lot worse since her birthday."

"We may have to send her to one of those boot camps, you know one of those for druggies."

Tara sighed and answered, "Good idea, but I think she's too old. Aren't they mainly for teenagers? But it might be the best thing for her. Maybe they make exceptions and admit oldies every once in a while."

"Sounds good. Yeah, otherwise they could be sued for age discrimination."

Tara and Amanda continued to talk for a few minutes, discussing the details of their history assignment and tomorrow's calculus exam. Suddenly, in the midst of their discussion, there was a loud shriek from Tara.

" What's the matter? Are you okay?" Amanda asked.

"I'm fine. But the water ballet has escalated. Now she's into doing dives and blowing kisses. And a crowd is forming. Gotta go and put an end to the show." Tara quickly broke the phone connection.

Amanda looked at the phone, shrugged, and shook her head from side to side. She was thinking, "Baby boomers. They never did learn to JUST SAY NO."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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