Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: NASA, Mars

Saturday, 2 September 2006

image for Martians Watch As NASA Builds a Spaceship Bound for Mars

"The Earthlings are coming, the Earthlings are coming," Marcy Martian screamed to her husband Marvin, when she looked through their EarthSpy camera on Mars and saw that NASA had contracted (a multibillion-dollar contract!) with Lockheed Martin to build a space vehicle designed for manned flights to the moon and perhaps also to Mars.

Attempting to calm down his wife, Marvin was thinking -- not for the first time -- that intergalactic surveillance might not be all it's cracked up to be. He didn't have any moral qualms about what some might call snooping. After all, Earthlings had spied on them first. He and Marcy were just returning the favor. But the problem was, what they saw was often either annoying or upsetting; and they wanted nothing to interfere with the peaceful life they enjoyed.

Marcy was appalled and disgusted. "They might actually have the nerve to come here some day. Who wants them, right in our own backyard?" Marvin sighed and responded, "They're like the uninvited dinner guest. Why can't they keep themselves to themselves?" Marcy agreed and added, "I can take them from afar, but up close and personal, that's another story. I'm outta here if they arrive."

"I don't get it," Marvin said. "Why don't they stay home and solve the problems on their own planet, instead of wandering around the universe?" His wife looked into the distance. "I can see it now. They arrive here; and the next thing you know, they'd be changing the name of our homeland. 'The Red Planet' wouldn't suit them. No, they'd want something fancy schmancy. One of those stupid catalogue colors: cherry, cranberry, rhubarb, whatever."

Marvin laughed. Then he sat down behind the camera and began to watch some of the news shows on earth. After a few minutes, he turned to his wife, smiled, and said, "I don't think we have to worry about those Earthling pests for a while. Among their many problems, it's hurricane season again, so that'll keep them busy."

Marcy answered, "You're right, although they're so spacey they always seem to be more concerned about NAMING the hurricanes instead of DEALING WITH them and their aftereffects." Marvin nodded his agreement, adding, "And they're continuing all that silly chatter about the fact that they don't consider Pluto a planet anymore. As if anybody in the universe outside of Earthlings cared."

Marvin left the camera and went over to their entertainment center. Looking through their collection of DVDs, he said, "Even if they DO decide to try to get here, I think they'd be too dumb to find their way. Mapquest doesn't do Mars, you know." Marcy nodded. "You're right. Let's just relax and enjoy a movie." Marvin had found what he wanted. Holding a DVD in each hand, he said, "What'll it be? STAR WARS or E.T.?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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