Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Saturday, 2 September 2006

image for Pentagon Achieves Orgasm As Interceptor Hits Missile Over Pacific
The interceptor blasts off from Vandenberg

LOS ANGELES (UPI) - Senior officers in the Pentagon and in the Bush Administration have "finally achieved orgasm" as an interceptor missile successfully destroyed a mock warhead over the Pacific Ocean on Friday in a test of the missile-defence system, according to Pentagon spokesman General "Bull" Buntline.

The 16.5-metre interceptor emerged from an underground silo at Vandenberg Air Force Base on the California coast at 10:39 a.m. local time, 17 minutes after a mock warhead was shot off from Kodiak Island in Alaska, Buntline said.

"At last we have reasserted our potency by shooting off that missile and actually hitting something for a change," said Buntline. "It was very good for all of us here. We were beginning to feel extremely frustrated, and even our wives and companions had begun to notice."

The interceptor carried a refrigerator-sized "kill vehicle" that locked on to the approaching mock enemy missile and flew into the metre-long warhead.

Buntline said both briefly coupled then disintegrated more than 160 kilometres above the Earth and a several hundred kilometres west of Vandenberg. The interceptor's flight lasted 13 minutes.

"It gave us a good chance to measure overall system performance. It was the most sexually fulfilling test we've had to date," Buntline added. "It will help us all perform much better, and get rid of feelings of inadequacy."

Karl Rove said that the test was "extremely exciting" and proved to the world that the USA "still has the nuts."

The $285-million test had been repeatedly postponed due to fog.

More than $1000 billion has been spent on the U.S. missile-defence system since 1983 and it has been widely seen as a monstrous waste of money and a costly boondoggle where tests are rigged and falsified and their successes exaggerated.

Mrs. Buntline stated in a telephone interview that she could now stop using her vibrator thanks to the successful test. She said she was available to meet other reporters and officers to discuss the results.

North Korea said that it now felt threatened by the test which it called "a provocative act of war" and the result of "missile envy."

Dr. Felix Minderbinder, a Harvard Psychiatrist, said the successful missile test should help cure many thousands of cases of dysfunctionality that he was familiar with in Washington, DC and neighboring states.

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