Written by Ossurworld
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Sunday, 3 March 2013

Scientists discovered Joe Flacco's contract details in the new third radiation belt around Earth.

Baltimore Ravens quarterback and Super Bowl winner Joe Flacco has gone into outer space with his new high water mark in payroll. His salary is out of this world.

At $120 million + at six years, he has gone beyond the first two Van Allen Belts.

Scientists at NASA did not realize the significance at first of the discovery of a new radiation belt until they learned of the shocking contract given to a so-so quarterback who has been lucky more often than not.

Like the new Van Allen belt, Flacco's contract may be considered a fluke in the universe.

The third Van Allen belt is not stable like Tom Brady or Peyton Manning, and it is not as ephemeral as that of Drew Brees or Aaron Rogers. The new contract for the Ravens star is an intense, but likely a residual effect.

Scientists have said both the third belt and Flacco's contract stand out like a sore thumb. Flacco hung in there and hung in there, persistent enough to make football savants think there is something wrong with Tom Brady for taking one to improve his team.

Flacco's high Van Allen salary means expeditures may be in the outer limits. In a few days, as many as a dozen Super Bowl winning Ravens will be destabilized and sent reeling off into the Twilight Zone.

Flacco, usually sandwiched between better teams and superior stars, has become a cosmic marvel, but the coronal mass ejection of many other Ravens could mean a final aurora borealis for the team.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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