Written by Billy Bureaucrat
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Ireland, Irish

Friday, 25 August 2006

image for Cullen Signals Return To Steam
Cullen Outlines Steam Plan

In a radical new departure Irish Minister For Transport & Announcements, Martin Cullen T.D, has unveiled a five hundred year plan to bring steam back to Ireland.

The Minister made his announcement in front of a hastily convened group of 12,000 journalists and 85 television crews.

Cullen displayed an uncharacteristic grasp of this futuristic technology as he explained, "steam has come a long way from its traditional associations with locomotives and the Industrial Revolution.

"Steam today is an integral and essential part of modern life, without it, our food, textile, chemical, medical, power, heating and transport industries could not exist or perform as they do", he enthused.

The Minister continued by explaining, "water is plentiful and inexpensive. It is non-hazardous to health and environmentally sound. In its gaseous form, it is a safe and efficient energy carrier."

According to Expert Consultants, Deloonie & Touched, "Steam can hold five or six times as much potential energy as an equivalent mass of water and by our calculations this could reduce our future Energy spend by loads of money.

We need to look at this in the context of the next five hundred years the Minister explained and continued by saying, "the reality is this initiative by itself would safeguard Ireland's financial and energy needs for a really really long time.

Pressed on when the actual benefits of this initiative would be realised, Minister Cullen was emphatic ,"that real benefit would statrt to be seen inside 150 years with 10% annual growth after that"

"All of this he cautioned was only achievable on securing the initial €289 trillion funding required to start the project.

When pressed on how he was going to generate the steam, Minister Cullen remained uncommitted but stated "that a working group headed by a team of 34,238 Deloonie & Touched Consultants were finalising all details these will be published as a Government White paper titled "The Future Of Hot Air".

Minister Cullen loudly defended criticism of his record and ability in delivering "pie in the sky projects", claiming "I have mis-managed bigger failures than this in the past and I intend to stand over my record, nothing will stop me messing up here either" he barked.

Make Billy Bureaucrat's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 4?

5 6 11 15

Go to top