Written by Matt Brown
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Monday, 31 December 2012

image for Facebook? More like the good book!
''As a mere sheep in your wonderous kingdom of bounty and beauty, I find your beard both beguiling and puzzling''.

Real life stories of revelations and resurrections will soon be making their way to your smart phone (smarter than you!) or desktop computer.

Jesus Christ or as he is more commonly known, J-Sizzle, has joined the social media revolution. It is a move which has been met with a combination of confusion and pickle sandwiches.

It has greatly displeased the church of latter day soggy spaghetti's and unnerved the electric eel orchestra.

Skeptic Santa who rents out a trailer outside Mall of America and works part-time at Hooters to cover his shortfall in present profits brought about by the dreaded 'elf-rot' has however claimed his support for the beardy weirdy.

Despite being down on his luck, it is not all bad news for the fat red guy though as we all know he has a big bash with Jesus and his cronies in Heaven after their gruelling Christmas schedules. Amen.

Since returning to Earth in November JC has been uncannily omnipresent on social media outlets. He has recently updated his 'plenty of fish' dating profile to include info about his new blue Honda Civic, his hazy weekends away spent baking bread, and the brown overcoats he likes to swipe from down at the market.

As of yet he has no friends or subscribers and his one post about running out of AAA batteries only received one like. His favourite hobbies include Christian Conversion, The Ten Commandments, and coupon cutting.

He has worked at the 'Pearly Gates Heavenly Hotel' and cites that he has 'one more 're-birth' than anyone else on earth. He has posted an event for this Sunday for everyone to come and marvel at his incredible humming tie. Refreshments served with bread and fish (weird).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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