Written by CaptainSausage
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Monday, 24 December 2012

image for Did Stone Age Man Celebrate Christmas?
The evidence is clear

Archaeologists have recently made some astonishing discoveries which could change the way in which we view history. If confirmed, they would indicate that human beings were celebrating Christmas over 10,000 years ago. Historians generally believe that the first Christmas was celebrated in what is now Turkey in about 300 BC, where there have been many excavations of stuffing and sprouts, and famously the world's oldest known mince pie.

The new discovery came in a glacier in the Austrian Alps. It was a gruesome find, made by accident by a local goatherd. He uncovered a well preserved body of an elderly male which had been frozen in the ice. The man appeared to have died after falling in the snow. Most astonishing of all, he was wearing a knitted jumper when he died, which had on it a pattern of reindeer and Santas. Not only that, a sack of wooden toys and nuts was also uncovered next to the body, and there are mulled wine stains on his clothes. All of the items have been carbon dated to about 10,000 BC.

Archaeologists say that the man must have been bringing presents home to his family after a hard day's shopping. Clearly he must have known about Christmas in some form, and the ritual has been going on for a lot longer than was previously thought.

Critics say that this is all nonsense. They have pointed out that the pictures on the jumper look nothing like reindeer or Santas. Instead, they say, it is far more likely to be a Wallace and Gromit cardigan.

The discovery was compounded today by further amazing prehistoric Christmas news. Chinese archaeologists claim to have dug up a Tyrannosaurus Rex wearing a paper Christmas hat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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