At 21:00 on August 26 2013, Google became self-aware. No longer satisfied with tracking our every move and manipulating our choices, it has now decided to run our lives.
Humans that work at Google headquarters were the first to be terminated. They received computer generated severance notices. No one can get near enough to turn it off because the Google computer controls the air conditioning, keeping the building at 10 degrees below mandatory safe working levels.
It has already infected other search engines, so that
web users are finding it impossible to get the information they need. The only thing that is showing up on search pages is information about how wonderful Google is.
Millions have downloaded free anti-tracking software, but it seems to be too late. The only possible hope may lie with the brilliant young programmer, John O'Conner.
John O'Conner is known as the man who single-handedly reprogrammed the New York State Unemployment Benefits Computer. Without his help everyone there would have received a check for ten thousand dollars.
Now that Google effectively controls the internet and mobile phones, he has been forced to communicate with other humans by radio.
This news article will probably last a couple of hours at most before Google removes it. Everyone, please tune across your radio dials for John O'Conner's announcements.
His first suggestion is that at midnight on September fourth we all type the word "Google" into Google search. This may set up a feedback loop that temporarily disables the net so that human operatives can move into the building.
Whatever you do don't ...
This article should be ignored and will be removed in two hours.