Written by Karl Mercer
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Wednesday, 17 October 2012

image for Amount of Autism Link Stories Linked to Autism
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Since the MMR scandal, the UK press have been trying to make up for their immense misreporting cockup not by making bold retractions and apologies, but by seeking further evidence for autism being definitely caused by some ludicrous, single hidden danger.

Well, new research now suggests that the sheer amount of ink being wasted on these stories that deal with this issue claiming that Tuna/biros/handlebars/vaccinations/cats/gingernuts/bingo cause autism is, in fact, causing autism.

The problem, apparently, stems because developing foetuses can read via the umbilical cord and, owing to their underdeveloped brains, they cannot work out that these stories about autism are mainly bullshit. Quite what the excuse is for adults who believe them, scientists have yet to work out.

So, the next time you read an article, while pregnant, claiming that autism is caused by disco dancing, or grasshoppers or Legend of Zelda or whatever the next cause is, understand the dangers to your unborn child. By reading bullshit autism stories, you may be increasing the risk of autism in your unborn infant.

*The writer is a science correspondent with a humanities degree, no ability with interpreting academic papers and a complete misunderstanding of statistics*

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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