Orgasmic sensations are no healthier than non-orgasmic experiences, such as heavy petting or routine fore-play.
Professor Tom Peeping and his team of intrepid observers, from Clitoral College, claim that orgasmic induction methods cause more harm than good.
In their study they found that orgasmic sensations generated higher gas emissions. "Widespread increased flatulence could be really harmful to the environment," said Professor Peeping, holding his nose tightly in his research laboratory.
However, their study has been criticized because many of the volunteers were still waiting to achieve orgasmic sensations more than 20 years after the research began.
Dr Amy Luvitt, from the Institute of Sexology, reckons that Professor Peeping is just jealous. "Orgasmic sensations are nothing to do with flatulence. It's just the earth moving," she moaned voluptuously, before lighting up a cigarette.