Written by Simon Saunders
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Friday, 28 September 2012

image for Curiosity Kills Martian Cat
NASA's space invasion has taken a turn for the worse

Is there life on Mars? It's a question that millions of people have asked. Well, the answer? Yes and no.

Early this morning NASA's Curiosity Rover send back pictures of what appeared to be a Martian type of cat.

Unfortunately several minutes later it also sent back pictures of what appeared to be a dead Martian cat.

NASA spokesperson, Stace Ship, announced the news to the worlds geek media in a hastily arranged press conference at lunch time today.

"We can confirm that the Curiosity Rover has indeed found life on Mars. Regrettably the Rover has also extinguished the only life ever found on Mars. We have assessed the photos that were sent back, and examined the data. It shows that the Rover was confronted with a Martian cat. We believe the cat approached Rover due to it's own curiosity and a fight ensued in which the cat inevitably lost its life as a result," explained Miss Ship.

She went on,"The encounter with the cat seems to have caused some sort of malfunction with the device. Lets just say that the photos Rover sent back of its handywork are quite graphic and suggest that the Martian cat did not die of natural causes. Frankly, it's a catastrophe."

The incident has raised questions from cat lovers everywhere. The Cats Really Are People Society (CRAPS) are not very happy with the situation. Their president, Fifi Line, reckons her members are distraught by the news.

She told us,"There are literally millions of middle aged spinsters among our membership and already many of them have expressed their horror at the mauling of this Martian moggy. We demand that the mission be suspended while a full police inquiry is conducted into the senseless death of the poor pulverised pussy."

Rumours have already started to spread like wildfire on the internet as to the cause of the incident. Some online cat lovers have suggested it was an inside job by a rogue cat hating NASA scientist.

Members of the online CRAPS forum reckon NASA knew there was a cat on Mars and deliberately programmed its Curiosity Rover to kill it.

One forum member said, "They called it the Curiosity Rover. Everybody knows that curiosity kills cats and as for the Rover bit, well, Rover is a dogs name. Dogs are hardly a cats best friend. It's a conspiracy. No doubt about it in my mind."

One cat hater who strayed onto the CRAPS forum had this to say. "It's a cat. So according to all you sad twonks it's probably got another 8 lives left anyway. Purrsonally I'd like to see all cats strung up. Selfish little beasts that they are."

Meanwhile, in other NASA news. Rumours that they are planning to probe Uranus have been denied as just another poor attempt to get a cheap laugh by below average writers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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