In the wake of the massively over-hyped and under-specified iPhone 5, Apple Computers have announced that they will provide free therapy for all those consumers that have succumbed and bought one of the new devices.
"We're aware of the massive crushing disappointment," said John O'Groats, spokesman for Apple's Mind Games division. "Some of the people who have opted to buy the iPhone 5 have been nearly suicidal with the realisation that it is virtually identical to the iPhone 4."
The hype surrounding the iPhone 5's release has most definitely not been lived up to by the phone itself.
"A lot of people thought that we might have had at least a quad core processor so that we can compete with the other new Smart Phones on the market, like the Samsung," said O'Groats. "Sadly, we were not allowed to buy the quad core processors, as they're made by Samsung. We kind of shot ourselves in the foot with our recent lawsuit with them. Perhaps we should have realised that before we tried to rip them off for a billion dollars."
Despite the lack of new facilities on the iPhone 5, it is still in the top five fastest selling phones of all time, coming in behind the iPhone 4, the iPhone 3, the iPhone 2 and the Samsung Galaxy SIII. This has left Apple with a massive problem of disappointed consumers. This huge up-swelling of dissatisfaction is what prompted the computer giant to offer therapy.
"One limitation," said O'Groats, "is that there are insufficient therapists in the world to deal with the sudden surge in suicidal tendencies. Therefore, we have released iShrink, which is an App for the iPhone 5, so that people can get therapy from their new phone."
iShrink is available from the iStore for ninety-nine dollars.