Written by Johnny Moodis
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Topics: Aliens, planet

Tuesday, 11 November 2003

image for Aliens Refuse to Give Foul-Smelling Man Anal Probe
Chief scientist Vindrax smells a problem. "The guy smelled really, really bad."

The Zexandroogs, a group of grey-class aliens from the planet Zexandroogentopiaberg, refused to give a routine anal probing to an abductee on Monday because of his "unhygienic nature".

"The guy smelled really, really bad," said Vindrax, the chief scientist on the Zexandroog ship, "I don't think he's bathed in, like, ever."

The abductee, Earl Hamfoot of Badtooth, Oklahoma, is angered that the aliens found him so horribly offensive.

"What'm I 'sposed to do?," wondered Hamfoot, "Get all showered and gussied up for a buncha probin' alien punks?"

While the Zexandroogs admit that they usually don't discriminate when it comes to the mandatory anal probes, they decided to make an unprecedented exception in Hamfoot's case.

"You should have seen this guy back there," said Vindrax, "It was just a disgusting mess. Yuck! I've done anal probes on the horrid stinkbeasts of the planet Stenchzag V, which is made up of swamp gas and feces, and it wasn't as bad as this redneck."

"I pulled that guys pants down and was like, "Whoaaaa, man! This guy is ripe!," said Gorfzak, a scientist who was assigned to Hamfoot, "So I told Vindrax, 'No f**king way am I even touching this son of a bi*ch.'"

Porzook, custodian of the Zexandroogs ship in question, claims that Hamfoot left behind an odor so foul that it was lethal to some of the smaller creatures on board.

"It's gonna take weeks to air this f**king place out," said Porzook, "It's not really like you can roll down the windows in space, ya know?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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