Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Cricket, Bugs

Thursday, 13 September 2012

image for Cricket Language Discovered
"The Wavelength Theory Of Temporal Transinductionalism Can Be Quantifed By Using The Cube Root Of.."

Philadelphia, PA-- An entomologist working at the University of Pencilvainia may have just made the most remarkable scientific discovery of all time. The scientist has uncovered a very complex language among crickets. The exciting discovery will revolutionize the world.

Mankind has been trying to unlock the mystery of animal communication for decades. Dolphins, whales, chimpanzees and other species seem to have the rudiments of language. Research in their languages has been both unproductive and expensive. No one thought about investigating crickets until last week.

"They speak in a binary code--just like computers." stated head entomologist Dr Know. 'It's so simple, yet remarkably complex at the same time!" he exclaimed.

Dr. Know says he was sitting outside one evening last week enjoying the late summer weather and smoking some weed. As he listened to the crickets chirp, it suddenly occurred to him that the chirps were coming in a binary code.

The stoned scientist made a recording of cricket sounds and uploaded it into his computer. What happened next was unbelievable.

"The crickets were discussing how a multi-phased induction coil could make intergalactic travel almost instantaneous. They also were talking about some theoretical equations that would prove inter-dimensional realms of existence. I couldn't believe it!" said Dr. Know.

The next day Dr. Know emailed the information to dozens of scientists around the world, including Dr. Karl Saygun at NASA.

"In the last few days the crickets have given us a cure for cancer, fusion reactors and time travel. We are at the dawn of a Golden Age for mankind!" said Dr. Saygun.

Entomologists are now in a race against time to gather as much data as possible. Crickets stop chirping and die with the first frost of the season. They don't have the intelligence to save themselves.

"It doesn't seem fair." said Dr. Saygun. "Crickets are a lot like people--both very smart and very stupid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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