Written by farbeda
Print this
Topics: Cats, Science, Acne

Monday, 13 August 2012

A new study by the Cornell University, School of Medicine, Dermatology Department has seemed to have made significant strides in alleviating two problems that have appeared unrelated up till now.

It has been discovered that cat saliva may have a curative effect on facial acne.

Head researcher, Dr. Helen Bastet realized the connection after the adoption of her cat. The cat would lie on her chest and lick her face. When she tried to lift her face away, the cat would use its paw to pull her face down so he could continue licking it. Dr. Bastet was amused, but didn't think anything more about it until she began to notice improvement in her acne. Previously taken traditional medicines had not been effective so she had stopped using them. Utilizing the skills developed after years of scientific study she began to look for any changes in her routine, including diet, exercise, stress and general environment. The only change of note was the adoption of a black cat from Petsmart.

Dr. Bastet decided to test her theory by stopping the cat licking sessions. After two week she noticed her acne returning. At that point she allowed her cat to resume sitting on her chest licking her face. A few days later the acne began to subside.

Dr. Bastet is now planning to apply for grants from the National Science Foundation and The Humane Society to study this phenomenon. Given the intimate nature of the person/cat interaction, she will be looking for people, both adults and teenagers, with acne and then take them all to pet adoption centers searching for cats that like to lick one of her test subjects.

The second stage of the study will attempt to determine if the gender and color of the cat is relevant. Future studies using the same methodology include testing for the removal of facial hair from the friction of the cats tongue. This will have potential to alleviate the problems older women have with chin hair.

Make farbeda's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 4?

5 9 6 23
38 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more