Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Friday, 3 August 2012

image for Facebook Fan Surprised To Learn She Doesn't Exist
Nothing Is Real

Philadelphia, PA-- Miss Vicky Smegma is a daily user of Facebook and has about 200 Facebook friends. Today she received a puzzling e-mail from Facebook:

Dear Ms. Smegma,

Our records show you don't exist. Your account is being closed. If you have any questions just call us. Have a nice day!

Miss Smegma was very upset with the e-mail. She called the Facebook office right away and asked to speak with a supervisor.

"But I am real!" insisted Miss Smegma to the supervisor. "I'm as real as Sherlock Holmes or Captain Kirk or Harry Potter!" she cried. "And why would you tell me to have a nice day if I didn't exist!"

The supervisor patiently explained to Miss Smegma that every person she mentioned was also fictional. The supervisor also added that she herself was just as fictional as Miss Smegma.

"I don't understand any of this!" said Miss Smegma. She hung up the phone and pinched herself. It hurt a bit, so Miss Smegma knew she was real. She called Facebook again and spoke with the same supervisor.

"If we aren't real, then who created us?? Answer that if you can!" exclaimed Miss Smegma.

The supervisor explained that they were just characters created by someone called Hydrogen Balloon. She also carefully explained that Hydrogen Balloon didn't exist either. He was just a character in a dream. She also explained that the dreamer wasn't real either, but just a character in another person's dream, and so on until infinity.

Miss Smegma hung up the phone, more confused than ever. She turned on her imaginary radio and listened to a fictional song by a non-existent band called the Beatles. The song was 'Strawberry Fields'.

After the song was over, Miss Smegma smiled to herself.

"Now I understand!" she said to herself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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