Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Kids, Research

Wednesday, 7 June 2006

image for Miss Piggy Pummels Research Linking Strict Moms to Fat Kids

Miss Piggy wants everyone to know that she dismisses as ridiculous a recent research finding suggesting that a mother's authoritarian style of parenting can cause kids to be overweight.

"It's baloney," the plump diva (holding her pet poodle Foo-Foo) told a group of reporters called to her home for an impromptu news conference. Miss Piggy did quite a bit of reminiscing about her childhood, including stories that her mom had related to her. Miss Piggy has said in the past that her mother wasn't always so nice to her, but she's re-thinking that claim. "After all," she said, "I was giving karate chops at the age of two and probably needed a strict mom. Her parenting style had nothing to do with my weight."

Miss Piggy told the reporters a story about one of her exploits at the age of eight months. Left unattended in her high chair for a few minutes, she managed to reach over to the table, grab a pizza and devour three slices! "So you see what my mom was dealing with. Do you blame her for being strict?"

Then there was the time her mom sat her on her lap and opened a book of nursery rhymes. According to Miss Piggy, "I was about three years old. All I can remember is hearing the words, 'This little piggy went to market . . . .' I went ballistic and gave the book a quick karate chop." The plump diva explained that even then she knew she'd be famous and never planned on 'going to market.' Fuhgedaboudit! She'd pay someone else to do it.

Contacted by phone after the news conference, Miss Piggy's mom said she was proud of her daughter for taking a stance in support of beleaguered moms. Mrs. Piggy blamed the faulty conclusions of the research on a bunch of overly ambitious psychologists. "Look at it this way," she said. "If kids are fat by nurture rather than nature, it means psychologists can busy themselves telling moms how to raise their kids. Those docs will always come down on the side of nurture; their jobs depend on it. But I'm telling you, that nurturing stuff is hogwash." Mrs. Piggy ended the conversation with a call to action: "Moms of the world, unite. Don't take the blame for raising plump little porkers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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