Written by tjmstroud
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Thursday, 5 July 2012

Celebrations were in full flow at the Grey Locks nursing home in Krupton today as four residents all gave birth to bouncing babies on the same day.

Agnes Smith, aged ninety six, who underwent her first ever Caesarian to give birth to baby Karen said that she was disappointed that she had needed the Caesarian but that, whilst her ovaries were still feeling as vigorous as when she was a teenager, her uterus was starting to feel a little over stretched. A transplant, though, was on the cards.

When the Krupton News arrived to photograph the happy foursome they were already seated in their wheelchairs nursing their little ones.

Sarah Williams, one hundred and three, piled praise on the midwives and nursing staff. "They were very busy overnight with so many new arrivals," she croaked as she held little baby Craig, "but they coped very well and even found time to mash up my macaroni cheese for me when I felt peckish."

Kath Perkins, ninety three and the youngest of the new mothers, said that thirteen children were not nearly enough and she was already planning another as soon as her biological clock re-adjusted and her monthly periods re-started. "Naturally, with a set of fallopian tubes and a brand new vagina already being grown for me from stem cells I'm looking forward to a few more babies yet before I get too old."

Just as the Krupton News was leaving Grey Locks Nursing Home, however, some sad news reached us that long term resident, one hundred and ten year old Clive Stallion, had just passed away.

Nursing Home manager, Miss Stella Sterling, said that Clive had suffered a heart attack. She added that as the sole male resident of Grey Locks, Clive would be sorely missed by staff and the hundred female residents. He had served his purpose with tremendous vigour and commitment to duty for over forty years but as a man it was only to be expected that one part of him, or another, would eventually wear out. "That's life," Miss Sterling added, "We'll soon find a replacement part."

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