A gigantic Higgs Boson has been discovered during a session of relief caused by too many curries and chips bought at a local Indian take-away (not a racist comment BTW).
The explosion took place on an outside bog (better known as a crap-hole) in Nottingham and was heard by the neighbours who were enjoying yet another episode of Neighbours. After the explosion took place a local man run out claiming a Higgs Boson shot out of his anal passage and he just couldn't flush it away meaning it is the connecting piece of lost matter that scientists have been searching for for 45 years.
The LHC (another huge, very expensive, outdoor bog) was informed and scientists rushed into the mans tiny wooden bog claiming they had seen the swimming Higgs Boson first and not Isaac Newton who also studied green, dropping pieces of matter, but eat the evidence!
This Higgs Boson is certainly a historic, scientific discovery because the missing matter was caused by extremely heated combustion being forced through a very narrow channel and it survived the ordeal; floating!
Scientists now claim that this discovery will propel the human race even faster down it's road to complete madness and if at the end of it, humans reach their apocalyptical end faster than God planned; we can all blame the Indian take-aways!