Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Wednesday, 4 July 2012

image for Higgs Boson Found--Then Lost Forever
Last Tango At The LHC

Bern, Switzerland-- Excited physicists at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have finally discovered the elusive Higgs Boson. The sub-atomic particle has been the object of an intense search by scientists for over thirty years. Tears of joy at its discovery soon turned into tears of anguish--a stoned scientist at the LHC misplaced the priceless particle.

The Higgs Boson particle is considered the cornerstone of theoretical physics. The sub-atomic particle gives mass to the Universe and is sometimes called the God particle. Without it, nothing would exist.

When physicists finally discovered the particle on Monday they were elated and decided to have an impromptu party. Someone opened up a bottle of champagne and someone else lit up a joint and passed it around.

The normally shy and introverted scientists hugged and kissed each other with delight. The white-coated nerds danced the tango down the endless corridors of the LHC in a paroxysm of pleasure. They smoked lots of weed and drank many gallons of champagne.

When the drunk and stoned boffins went to take a second look at their great discovery, they found the Higgs Boson was gone! Someone thought they saw it roll on the floor during the party, but they weren't sure. Someone else thought they put it away, but they were too stoned to remember where.

The shaken scientists spent the next day searching every part of the LHC for the missing particle. They turned the place upside down and inside out in their desperate quest. No one could find it. Many of the scientists broke down and wept, and more than a few were suicidal.

"What a bunch of fools we are." said one of the scientists. "I suppose God wants to keep some of his secrets after all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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