Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Fish, Sweat

Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Research Reveals That Fish DO Sweat
"I'm Sweating Me Bollocks Off Here!"

Researchers at Titchfield College Of Perspiration today revealed that fish actually do sweat, and that the reason why nobody ever noticed previously is that the little beads of perspiration are quickly diluted by the surrounding watery environment.

'Do fish sweat?' has become the most popular FAQ of all time on internet search engines, beating off such contenders as 'What is the meaning of life?' 'Is there a God?' and 'Does my bum look big in this?'

The proof of the pudding can be seen in any aquarium, where on a daily basis, hundreds of thousands of people stare intently at glass walled fish tanks, trying to work out whether or not the fish inside are working up a sweat.

Unfortunately, the water surrounding the fish makes it nigh on impossible to spot an overheated fish - even using thermal imaging equipment.

Doctor Bob Wilson, a leading perspiration researcher, revealed how he eventually came up with the definitive answer.

"We took a live cod, a mackerel, an eel and a halibut out of their watery environment and placed them on fluffy towels, under a sun lamp," he revealed. "It quickly became apparent that they were overheating, going by the way they thrashed about for a bit, and they perspired so heavily that their skin became quite damp and slick to the touch. After about half an hour, they appeared to calm down to some extent, at which point we observed that they began to exhibit signs of body odour. They must have been perspiring quite heavily, because after a further three hours, the BO got stronger, and not even a quick squirt with 'Sure For Men' deodorant could dissipate the smell. We left them overnight under the sunlamp and put them back in the water the following morning. They must have been completely knackered after all that sweating, because they went all flaccid and got really listless. Having said that, I'm quite happy that we finally have conclusive evidence that fish do sweat."

Doctor Wilson then went on to reveal that his next project is to investigate whether or not chimpanzees perspire more heavily when they get in a bad mood and try to bite people's faces off.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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