Written by IainB
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Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Dyson creates the world's quietest hoover
James Dyson, taking inspiration from nature

"First off," said James Dyson, inventor and genial genius, "can we sort out that they are called vacuum cleaners? Hoover is a rival brand. It's not a verb, any more than Microsoft, T-Mobile or Sony are verbs. I'm glad that's cleared up, now carry on."

For years, Dyson's vacuum cleaners have been considered the best on the market, but they had one major drawback over all other vacuum cleaners available: they were noisier than a teenager's bedroom. Dyson is set to change all that with the Dyson Solitude.

"We have discovered what made the cyclonic vacuum system so bloody loud," said Dyson. "It turns out it is the same as what makes jet engines so loud, it's the air moving through the cyclone."

It has taken ten years of development to make the vacuum cleaner still as powerful, but less noisy, given that the vsacuum cleaner's power came from the air movement inside it.

"I've patented the idea obviously," said Dyson. "But in essence, you put a lolly stick in the middle of the cyclone. This baffles the air movement without slowing it down. I got the idea by looking at a tree in a tornado."

At a stroke, the Dyson vacuum cleaner has gone from being the noisiest ever made to the quietest.

"You could use this vacuum cleaner in a library," said Dyson. "You could use it in a hospital, and not just a hospital for the deaf."

Hoover, a rival manufacturer of vacuum cleaners is said to be green with envy at the Dyson Solitude.

Legal disclaimer: Other makes and models of vacuum cleaner are available, all of which are equally subject to ridicule.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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