New York City -- The reputation of face transplant surgery plummeted yesterday when the Fashion-A-Face Hospital in New York City confirmed the unthinkable. Several months ago, a white man received a black face in a transplant mix-up.
The Spoof sources have the scoop on how this happened. Hospital volunteer, 85-year-old Ms. Oopsie Daisy, was carrying two faces (a black one to be placed in storage and a white one for the patient, Mr. Larry Luckless, an unemployed actor) down the hall when she slipped on a banana peel. Her cargo went flying; in retrieving the tossed faces, she mixed them up. Ms. Daisy, a retired employee of the post office, explained, "It was simply a matter of making a delivery to the wrong address."
Hospital officials downplayed the ramifications of the error. At a press conference, they pointed out that the patient HAD received what he had come for -- a new face. Thomas Tuffy, CEO, was quoted as saying, "Although we weren't able to give him his first color selection, we did the best we could." In answer to a question raised by a reporter, Tuffy (formerly in charge of the Returns and Adjustments Department at the now-defunct Alexanders Department Store) stated that there were no plans to make an adjustment for the patient, adding that faces were "definitely not returnable."
Family and friends of Larry Luckless are outraged. "Double trouble," his brother commented, shaking his head from side to side. "First the mauling, now the transplant mix-up. What's next for the poor guy?" He dispelled the notion that his brother's face had been mauled by a pit bull; instead he revealed that it was Larry's wife who had done the damage. "Imagine," he said, "all he did was send the missus off to a Dr. Phil seminar on 'Expressing your Feelings to your Spouse,' and she comes home like a raving maniac."
In a curious twist, Larry was relatively unfazed by the mix-up. In the hospital, when he was handed a mirror so that he could see his new face, his first response was merely, "Uh oh." After a pause, he did go on to mumble, "I thought I ordered a white one."
His life continues on a positive path. He's joined the NAACP and resumed his acting career, nailing the lead role in a remake of a movie about Al Jolson's life. He had a blast at his 25th year college reunion. "It's the first time since graduation," he confided, "that I had something to report in that annoying section of the class survey entitled 'Interesting Experiences to Share with your Classmates.'"
According to Larry Luckless, his biggest post-surgical difficulty has been grabbing a cab in the city. "I never realized," he said, "how many taxi drivers just pass a black man by."