Written by Gail Farrelly
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Wednesday, 20 June 2012

image for If Asteroids Can Be Weighed from Afar, So Can New Yorkers
If you're LARGE, better order up a SMALL!

According to NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg, that is.

He was reading an article, "Asteroid weighed from millions of miles away," on Softpedia.com, when he began jumping up and down for joy. Not satisfied with his plan to limit the size of sugary drinks sold in NYC, Big Brother Bloomberg is taking his plan up a notch with new technology. He figures that discreet "distance" weighing will now allow snack-buying behavior in the city to be monitored and customized to the weight of the individual buyer.

The special weighing technology will be installed at all places selling snacks. "It won't be intrusive," claimed an ecstatic Bloomberg. "The customer doesn't even have to step on a scale. Weight is assessed from behind the counter, and piggy buying is prohibited. Eureka!"

So here's the deal: Thinking about wandering up to a NYC food vendor and ordering up an ice cold Pepsi? Fine. But if you're overweight, you'll get a DIET Pepsi. It will be ice cold though. Fancy a supersized, buttered popcorn at a NYC movie theater? If you're a fattie, make it a small popcorn sans the butter and you're good to go.

Bloomberg makes no apologies to those who argue that he's become too controlling. "Father knows best," claims Mayor Mike.

Hmm. Seems like a good time to think about the words of George Orwell: "If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever."

And ever and ever......

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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