Written by IainB
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Friday, 8 June 2012

image for Hosepipe bans cause rain
Rain is a result of a backup in the water cycle.

After studying weather patterns and hosepipe ban data for the past thirty years, professor of homoeopathic meteorology, Derrick Huge, has discovered a correlation between hosepipe bans and subsequent heavy rain. Moreover, he believes he has an explanation.

"When there is a hosepipe ban," said Huge, "there is much less water used. This causes a build up in water pressure across the area affected by the hosepipe ban."

According to Del Huge, the more widespread and severe the hosepipe ban, the more closely it is adhered to, the bigger the subsequent deluge, and the longer it will last.

"Water cannot be compressed, it is irrepressible," said Huge. "This is a principle used in hydraulics and house hold taps."

As the hosepipe ban continues, this pressure continues to build until something gives, and it gives higher up the water cycle, in the clouds.

"We are seeing this now in the south-east of England," said Huge. "With the wettest drought in history. This is because the water companies are going after anybody who is using a hosepipe. Although, given all the rain, nobody is using a hosepipe at the moment."

Huge believes that this is a mistake.

"By continuing to avoid using a hosepipe," he said, "The water pressure is continuing to build. We should all be out there relieving the pressure on the water cycle. I would do so myself, but my neighbour hates me, and would report me in an instant."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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